Gavin's Tale Twister #53: CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS WITH CHEESE MELTING POWERS

So...Gavin and I were driving down the road on the way to soccer practice when Gavin says
" Mom,  if you could be any super hero with any super power, which one would you be?"
I just wanted to drive in peace and enjoy silence so I was irritated by the question.  I glanced over with the like really look on my face. Gavin's response ... "hurry Mom you only have 3 seconds 3..2..1..come on Mom 3..2..1."  Seeing that Gavin was really into this so called game, I obliged and with enthusiasm said "uh, uh  OK, uh, I'd be Super Ant with super strength!"
Gavin's eyes shifted my way and his head followed with this response " Really Mom! You know there is already Ant Man with super strength powers!"
"OK Gavin! Smarty pants! Your turn and you've got 3  seconds... 3,2,1...1,2,3 come on Gavin give me a good one too."
"First of all your not counting correctly and let's see, I would be Captain Underpants with cheese melting strength."
Now my eyes shift over to Gavin and my head follows.
"Really Gavin! What the heck is cheese melting strength?"
Now this is a true 12 year old explanation!
Gavin looked at me like duh and pointed to the road in front of us and said "slice of American cheese on the road!" He put his second and third finger of both hands on the temples of his head, squeezed his eyes together concentrating on the so called cheese on the road while he grunts and said "Bam!" He has one arm outstretched like he just performed a magic trick and says "Instant road hazard!!"
This followed with a bobble head nodding motion like yea I aced that question!  I know I only have a little time left before Gavin grows out of his childhood. His world is so great!!

Gavin TaleTwister # 52 : I WISH I COULD UN-SEE THAT!!!

So Gavin is at age 10 at a very sensitive age where he is starting to care what others think.  He feels criticized even if there is no criticism. We were at Papa's house and several times in the past, Gavin has hung on me while he moaned of boardem .  Finally one day Papa said to Gavin joking of course "Gavin leave my daughter alone!  You are bugging her and bugging her!"
Well gavin did not take this too lightly. That was 6 months ago.

So now every time we visit Papa,  Gavin tried to keep to him self as much as possible an even kept his lips sealed... Imagine that folks! Yep ....Gavin with nothing to say!! Doent happen often except now when we go to my dad's house.  As soon as we get there he is ready to leave, dying of boredom but still quite.
On this particular day, I had a rash on my leg that was starting to get infected.  I was mortified and did not show anyone but was thinking I needed a doctors advice. I am in the right place with dad being a retired physician.  Reluctant to ask my dad in fear of some holistic remedy he might propose, I sit quietly.  I show the spot to, my sister who is also a physician and instead of giving me medical advice she piped up and said "Dad loook at Usha's leg".
He did and immediately said with order in his tone. ... Usha you have an infection starting...Go sit in the HYPERTHERMIC DEAD SEA SALT outside and I promise you, it will get better.
I did and it absolutely did get better! I am now a believer in the mineral powers of the dead sea! Back to the story... Gavin patiently waited on the couch reading and playing games on his iPad.  Papa was sitting in the Dead Sea hot tub as well in his underwear!!! Yes I said in his underwear!  Papa stands up and is wiping the sweat off his face while his whitey tighty under wear is soaking wet and drooping down to his knees.  He wraps a towel around himself and drops his under whiteys off like a magic trick and slips on just his shorts (no back up underwear in site) .  He hobbles in with his widened gait and bowed legs, bear chest and  body still alittle wet quite redened from the heat of the tub water and his shorts now drooping from his body sweat and yes still with no underwear. His sweat, bear cheast and larger belly made it difficult to hold up his shorts so they hung a littl low.  OK so low that the top of his butt crack was showing.  I catch Gavin's eyes cut up to catch a glimpse at Papa.  He diid not want to get caught looking infear of being criticized but cant help but flatten his lips  like a duck, make his nose small and squint his eyes as if he smelled something bad.  He leans over to my sister who is sitting by Gavin and whispers to her "I wish I could un-see that!!"
  Gavin said just what everyone was thinking!

Gavin Tale Twister #51: WHY DON'T I JUST SKIP SCHOOL!

This morning, only the 4th full day of school, I overslept!!! I worked until 4AM and jumped in bed to grab a couple hours before having to do the morning school duties with the kids. Bill left for work at 6:00 AM and I am in lullaby land.
At 7:50 Sam runs into my room and screams "MOM WE'RE LATE!" I jump up  in a drunken sleep and yell up the stairs for Gavin to get up..."WE'RE LATE!"
Gavin pops out of his room "NO WE'RE NOT!"
"YES GAVIN WE ARE! HURRY UP WE'VE GOTTA LEAVE IN 10 MINUTES!"
In as very small voice "ok, I have to shower" like he was going to lolly gag through his morning rituals.
"GAVIN NO TIME FOR A SHOWER JUST PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH, LET'S GO!"
Gavin looks down from upstairs knowing that he is going to say those dreaded words that have haunted Gavin since his early years when he had the D4 (See Tale Twister #3). Again in a small voice "but I have to poo!'
Sammy says "MOM WE'VE GOTTA GO RIGHT NOW !"
Feeling guilty about not getting the kids up on time and seeing the look on Gavin's face some how led  me to say "GAVIN, YOU WANT ME TO RUN SAM TO SCHOOL AND SWING BACK TO GET YOU?"
"yes please" Gavin says.
I return to find Gavin still on the pot. "GAVIN LET'S GO!"
A small voice replies "I'm pooping!"
I sigh and want to fuss at him for not being ready but the lingering guilt takes over and I say " I am going to take Maggie dog for her walk and when I get back, be ready!"
Small voice say "okaaa" fading at the end.
I know what that means... Gavin does not really want to be done pooping nor does he want to go to school.
After last year final report card came sighting Gavin's 46 tardies and 55 missed school days, Bill and I resolved that Gavin could not be tardy ever again.... until he is, like today! Of course that report card was a mistake obviously.  He was tardy a lot and just never went to the office to let them know he made it to school and of course they counted him absent. And Gavin had a few sick days too! It all adds up!
So back to today, I get back from the walk. I come inside and Gavin says take my temperature Mom. Well his head did feel warm so I did  and the thermometer read 98.8.  Gavin says I have a sore throat. Can I just stay at home.  I laughed "NO, GET IN THE CAR! LET'S GO!"
Small voice "ok".
On the way to school I ask "Did you eat a bowl of cereal?"
Small voice "no".
Guilty mom "you want me to drive through the Chick-a-fila drive through and get you something?"
Gavin replies "No we are going to be even later! Searching in his head for his schedule that day, his eyes suddenly light up as he says, "WE HAVE TO HURRY,  I CAN'T BE LATE FOR 2ND PERIOD!  I' ll just skip breakfast."
"What is 2nd period?"
"PE"
I laughed and said "Gavin your so funny! You could care less about first period Social Studies but now can't miss PE."
" No mom, not because I wanna go to PE, I just don't want to have to run if I am late!
"Gavin, 2nd period begins in like 3 minutes and we're still 10 minutes from school.  Your are going to be late to 2nd period PE no matter what.
Guilty mom "You want me to take you to Waffle House instead for breakfast and then drop you  off."
Long pause... "Well if am going to miss 2 classes, WHY DON'T I JUST SKIP SCHOOL?"
I am cracking up..."Funny Gavin!"  Of course my response is a lingering "Noooo! Chick-a-fila and then school."

Gavin Tale Twister #50: A Squirrel In The Road

This years summer vacation was to visit to see Bill's mom, Nana, in the nursing home in Halifax and then on see some baseball in Boston. It was our last day in Boston and we had tickets to see the Red Sox play against the Detroit Tigers.  We were staying just around the corner from the famous Fenway Park Stadium. It was a breezy 65 degrees on Saturday July 25th, 2015. Yes I said 65 degrees ....and breezy!! Sam and his dad went ahead to catch some of the batting practice and Gavin and I followed behind. As we weaved our way throughout the traffic of people, cars, and vendors, Gavin took my hand as to not get lost. I yanked him this way, pulled him that way, abruptly stopped to avoid a car trying to get through the sea of people, then quickly ran across the cross walk to avoid any potential hazards. We zig-zagged around cars and people for 3 blocks and I could see a little sweat on the side of Gavin's head. "We are almost there" I said to Gavin.
I was  a little out of breath and  with a sigh of relief, I hopped up on the curb next to our entrance  into Fenway.  As we stopped and took a breath, Gavin said "Wheew! You know mom? Now I know just how a squirrel in the road feels! I have to agree!

Gavin Tale Twister #49: Downward Dog

When just Gavin and I go to my mom's house to visit, we usually sleepJ in her great big king size bed.  On this particular night right before we hopped in bed I said to Gavin..."Gavin, we are getting in bed, going right to sleep and not awaking to any alarm.  We will sleep til we awake what ever time that may be. As per every other visit to moms, we jumped in bed and smothered our bodies into the luxurious mattress. This mattress has a familiar feel and each and every time we sleep on it, it feel so homey.

I was on my side and Gavin on his side. We were both so very happy... until early in the morning!!!! Gavin's legs crept over to my side and slid under me to keep himself warm. Of course that woke me up and irritated me. I kept scooting him over and he kept swiping his feet  first against and then under me. 

Finally, after about the 5th time, I swiped his legs out from under me, grabbed hold of my pillow, face down I quickly bore my body hard into the mattress to prevent Gavin's legs from being able to slip under.  Ah ha I thought I hope this works... and IT DID! Gavin swept his feet across my torso several times trying to find an in under me. NOT happening! As much work as it took for me to keep my entire body plastered to the mattress, I did it and  it was worth it. I won! Gavin gave up and retreated but now I was awake and so was Gavin. My eyes were closed hoping to get back to sleep and Gavin  was contemplating his next move. Enough time went by without a single swipe, I though I was home free!
Then Gavin said "Mom?"
I did not respond! I had my eyes closed and was just trying to sleep.
"Mom?"
No response
"Mom?"
Finally I said "Yes Gavin!"
"Mom I think we should do some exercises."
"I don't want to do exercises I am trying to sleep. "
"Mom, come on... we need to do some exercise. We can even do them while we lay here."
No response.
"Mom... this is important.  You are always saying we should exercise. Come on just one stretching exercise... you don't even have to get out of bed and you can keep your eyes closed too. I will talk you through it."
Exasperated and wanting Gavin to just be quiet, I said "Fine Gavin, you go a head."
"No Mom we have to do them together. "
"Fine!"
"Mom ...I'm in downward dog so do downward dog!"
"I am not doing downward dog."My eyes were still closed.
"Mooomm! Come on we are exercising. Do downward dog!"
I exhaled really loud and said "Fine!!!" I got in downward dog all the while trying to keep my mind in sleep mode and my eyes closed hoping to go right back to sleep.For those of you who do not know, downward dog is a yoga stretching pose where you get into a plank on your hands and toes and then raise your but in the air to get a full body stretch. I was now in downward dog.
"Good job Mom....we are done!
Still irritated I thought great! In my mind I thought that was too easy but who cares we are done. I plopped back down on to the bed only to find two legs deeply berried underneath me. Gavin wins!

Gavin's Tale Twister #48: Stephen Hawkins is White!!!

The Setup:  Sam(15 and Asian), Gavin(11 and Asian) and a neighbor kid(11 and caucasian)  were eating hotdogs at the bar for dinner last night.  The conversation led into who was smarter in math.... Gavin or the neighbor kid. So brother Sammy suggested they do a math off to dicide.  Gavin did not want to participate, I am sure in anxiety that he may loose. Sammy of course was wanting Gavin to loose so he could bring out Gavin's lack of intelligence and then forever make fun of him.  This was Sam's big brother duty!

The conversation went something like this:
Sam: "Why don't you guys do a Math-Off!"
White Neighbor Kid: Enthusiastically "OK!"
Gavin: "I don't want to!"
Sam: "Come on!! You should want to  ...you will do well because you are Indian!!" Like saying this would convince Gavin to participate.
And it did!!!
Gavin: "Oh yeah! OK!
Caucasion Neighbor Kid: Immediately on the defense says "Hey!!!!!"
Gavin quickly pacifies his little buddy by interjecting..."No offense !!! You got Stephen Hawkin  and he is White!!!!"
The Neighbor Kid suddenly not offended anymore nodded in content and agreement!
AND THE GAMES BEGAN!!!

Gavin Tale Twister #46 : SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT PLACE TO RAISE YOUR KID MOM!!

April 13, 2015

The Set Up:

I got in the car with Sam (15) and Gavin (11) to take them to school this Monday morning. Sammy in front as it is an odd numbered day and as Gavin would say HE IS ODD!  Gavin is EVEN so he is in the back seat.  That how we decide who gets to sit up front except when Awah (my mother is in the car). She always sits in front. She is so small, she should probably sit in the back seat and in a booster for her own safety. Ha! That's my children's argument as to why they should sit in front instead of her. 

Anyway, everyone was relatively quiet. We went through the usual chat ... the check list of items for school, the pick up plan, and the after school plan. We talked about how Jordan Spieth at age 21 just won the Masters Golf Tournament. WOW!!! Then there was a pause in the conversation. In usual fashion , I bring up a subject to talk about and this is how 

The Conversation Goes:

So Sammy you know the Bob Taylor whom your dad and I work with. 

Sammy:  No

Yes you do ...His has 3 kids go to your school. 

Sammy: Oh Yeah I know them... what about them?

Well they are moving to Colorado as soon as school lets out.

Sammy: Really...Why?

Well ... I search in my head for the answer ... trying not to say anything negative about their desire to leave small town life...it is beautiful there and they want to be where the mountains and nature are so they can be outdoorsy, go hiking and stuff like that.  Also there are good public schools there and if they go to public school they save about $40,000 a year in tuition ....

GAVIN CUTS ME OFF :  YEA  AND MARIJUANA IS LEGAL .... THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT PLACE TO RAISE YOUR KIDS!!!

I laughed because it really never occurred to me that someone would move there for just that unless they had a sick child. Just in case your wondering, those thoughts do occur to an 11 year old!!!

Gavin Tale Twister #45: He Touched My Feelings!

Getting in the car after piano lessons my boys started fighting About who was going to get to ride shotgun. This initial fight ended up in a "Gavin win". Gavin got to sit in the front seat but only after being pushed around a little by his brother . Then in the car ,what started out as a little nit picking here and there turned into a bunch of name-calling and ended up in an all out punch by Gavin.  I was watching both boys out of the corner of my eye so I know Gavin threw the first and only punch. NOw getting him to admit that he did it was going to be difficult.  Gavin was sitting in the front seat so I don't know how he got his arm all the way back there to Sammy.  It was quite impressive like in Iron Man when Obadia was about to kill Pepper (Tony Stark alias Iron Man's love interest) and out of no where Iron Man appeared of course leading with an all out punch... yea just like that Gavin threw a punch that he meant to hurt.

I have a house rule that goes something like this "sticks and stones break your bones but names will never hurt you".... sound familiar?  I encourage the boys to try and discuss problems instead of resorting to name calling or physical contact so I was very irritated by now so I screamed "You boys are driving me crazy!  I cannot drive with you two fighting like this!  I told you a million times not to touch one another!  Both of you are on restriction Friday from XBox!"

Sammy immediately wants to know why he's on restriction when he's the one that got punched. My response..."Because you're the older brother and in my opinion from the very beginning when your brother wanted to sit in the front seat, you should have just said OK!    Instead,  you pushed him into the mirror first and then said it's fine you sit in front.  You probably said that because you felt bad that you pushed him.

"Yeah mom but once we got in the car, I didn't touch him You're always telling us not to touch each other. I didn't touch him, I was just calling him names. Then he got mad and he punched me.  Now I'm the one getting punished because of his bad behavior.   I should not be punished.  I let him sit in the front...he punches me and I am on restriction."

I look over at Gavin who had the 'I have been pushed to my limits' look on his face.  "Well Gavin what do you have to say for yourself?  "Mom, Sammy started the whole thing initially not letting me sit in the front seat and then he pushed me."
Yes, now you got what you wanted. Why are you touching your brother when you know you guys should not touch each other.
But I didn't touch him first he touched me ...remember. Gavin I am pretty sure sure you touched him first in the car. I saw you punch him from the front seat all the way back to his stomach.
"Gavin, did he really touch you first?"
"Yes!" Gavin vehemently responds.
"No I did not" defends Sammy.
"He did mom!" says Gavin.

Sammy yelling now at Gavin... "How can you say that Gavin. I did not touch you and you punched me and now I am going to be punished because of it!"

I cut in "Gavin(long pause) tell the truth!  Did he or did he not touch you first in the car?"
Gavin's eyes shifted from side to side.  His bottom lip and chin quivered...after a short pause Gavin's  arms now folded with tears running down his face, he responds...
"Well ...well... well....HE HE HE TOUCHED MY FEELINGS !"
My irritated face suddenly softened as I realized that this fight between brothers will always be something I remember...I started to giggle.  I stopped fussing and said....
"That is pretty clever Gavin...Good enough! You're both OFF restriction!"

Gavin Tale Twister # 44: What About Filipe the Flower!

Felipe The Flower

This last weekend, we squeezed the dreaded piano lesson in.  We usually have it mid week but missed for some reason or another so had to make up on the weekend. While at the lesson, Gavin and I sat in the garden room while Sam took his 30 minute turn.  On the brick wall behind where Gavin and I sat hung a very large portrait of Edward Eikner, our wonderful piano instructor. It was a painting done by a well known artist inGA named PENLEY whose style is strong brush strokes with bold colors  that exhibits vivid imagery.  It was such a large canvas that up close,  all you could see would be large strokes of paint resembling what looked like someone was trying to ice a cake on canvas.  From afar though, the full image of Edwards head was a truly a piece of art.
We sat in a small wicker love seat barely enough space for the two us.  We faced toward each other so we could talk without disturbing the ongoing lesson in the other room.   I brought out the Boy Scout Handbook because I thought today Gavin and I could sit and cover some of his Scouting home work so we would not have to do it at home.  This is part of trying to be the "Efficient Mom".  We started in the book and as 5 minutes passed Gavin started to fidget.  His hands were on the table touching everything, touching the large red glass diamond that is supposed to be more like a paper weight, touching the flowering cactus because "it did not look real said Gavin", even touching me...I finally stopped suddenly and said abruptly "stop touching everything and lets read this Boy Scout stuff together".
Up until now Gavin was yawning.  His eyes widened and his hands quickly retracted to his chest like a robot receiving his command and obeying his master.  I continued to read aloud. Gavin's arms slowly reached up in the air trying not to reach to the table of stuff in front of him. Gavin's eyes slowly wandered up above his head and over to his right, over to the brick wall where the oil portrait lived.  Interrupting me Gavin asked as he pointed to the PENLEY signature "What does that say?"
I sighed and responded "It says Penley."
"What does that mean?"
Haaaaaaaa! I sighed again. Not wanting to be the mom that fusses 24/7, I answered. "It is the artist signature. That is the person who did the art work."
I went on to  explain Penley's local roots and style of painting to Gavin when he reached up and put his hand on a clump of dried paint as if he were going to pick it off like a scab!   I WAS MORTIFIED!!!!!!
We were being quiet up until now when I wanted to yell but I didn't.  I raised my hand which in the book of mommy sign language delivers, quite effectively I might add, the you will get a spanking if you continue message with out saying a single word.  My brows were furrowed, my lips flattened but pursed and my nose was squinched up so tight that one might think I resembled the Grinch when he is disgusted by Christmas.
Gavin even more quickly this time retracted his hand and held both fists close to his chest.  He knew by my mommy sign that he was doing something very very bad!
"What? What?" he asked.
"Gavin, I NEVER EVER want to see your hands on any art work ever again, especially a painting!"  "But Why Mommy?"
 Because it is art!  The oils on your fingers will transfer to the painting and ruin it over time and how am I to explain the clump of paint missing from the portrait if you had picked it off!  Do you know how expensive art is!  It is something people cherish in their homes and they don't want their art damaged by other people!"
I changed my tone and continued "Please don't do that again!"
I could see Gavin's face turning from being scared he was doing something wrong to being mad about something else.  His arms went from up at his chest to folded across his body. His posture went form straight upright to leaning back like he had this one all wrapped up. His head  was now tilted back and cocked to the side.  Now his lips pursed and his head nodded in disgusted at me!
Gavin's response was classic Gavin!
"Really Mom!... Well what about Felipe the Flower?"
There was a long pause waiting for my response.
Gavin then continued:  "What about Poopy the Platypus?  Huh? Auhhh! What about Zingof, Fogniz and The Kevin?"
I looked at him confused "What?"
"You know MOM!!!  Felipe?....Oh and then there is Gogizeenie, Gagazieenie and Googizeer too Mom!" All this was said with an accusatory tone.   Like I am guilty of something.  Like I have a double standard. Gavin can't do it but Mommy can  kind  of thing.
My eyes shifted back and fourth trying to think of a response that would defend  my actions.  "I am not sure I know what you are talking about Gavin!"
Again in accusing tone.. ."Mom ...my art work?... at home Mom?
I paused trying to recollect the memory of his artwork.
"The ones I wanted to make 100 copies of for people to buy and you wouldn't let me."
Now it was all coming back. I began to smile and giggle. That would be the I am caught guilty giggle.

Poopy The Platypus

Gogizeenie, Gagizeenie, & Googizeer

The Kevin, Zingof & Fogniz

Gavin continued to scold me... "Every time I show them to you, your hands are all over them and then you just stack 'em up and (slight pause) .....sometimes I find some of my art in the trash."  "MOM??!!!"

My eyes shifted side to side.  I am guilty! He is right! I do do that!
"Gavin" I said, "I am so sorry! I did not realize how important those pieces of art were to you!"  Of course I am giggling the hole time. "I will cherish your art and be more respectful to your stuff and I am sorry!"
In his very sweet 9 year old voice Gavin replies "It's OK Mommy!"
I laughed about what just happened. Sammy is now finished with his lesson and it is Gavin's turn. Off he skips with the "I won smile" on his face.
Hey!!! How did he just turn that whole thing around on me!

Gavin's Tale Twister #42: Be The Bigger Man Gavin!

Big brother Sam is twelve. That is three and a half years older than sweet baby Gavin. Since the day Gavin was born, Sam has been constantly picking on his little brother. It all started with an innocent "let me toss my big metal Tonka Truck into Gavin's crib(when he is 3 months old) for him to play with" and "oops it bonked him on the head and made him cry. Hey let me see what else I can do to him." This one act led into many incidences over the last eight years.

In Gavin's defense, the poor child has had to build up a repertoire of insults for Sam to combat his constant heckling. Finally, after eight years of abuse, Gavin has taken about all he could handle. Gavin has finally got enough size on him to compete physically. Now Gavin has great GROSS MOTOR SKILL but no fine. You can only imagine what that must look like.

What does a parent do with brothers that wake up in the morning and start their day insulting each other which ultimately winds up with shoving, yelling, crying and tattling. We have tried putting them in their room, taking away their computer, talking to them and then now we are yelling at them. By the way that does nothing but contribute to the violence and make everything louder.

Finally one day Canadian Man Bill said to Gavin "Just say Thank You Sam, May I have Another?".

"I tried but that doesn't work. Sammy keeps saying stuff like your face is so ugly, it's scaring all the little kids."

"Just take the high road Gavin. Be the bigger man!"

What does that mean Gavin asked. Bill immediately hollered "Uuuusshhh! How what does be the bigger man mean?"

As I was pondering the answer saying "well....."

Gavin blurts out " you mean like Ghandi dad?"

Bill looks to Gavin and says "that is exactly what I mean!!!"

Later Bill says to me in a somewhat accusatory tone " Who told Gavin about Ghandi and how would he know what kind of person Ghandi was?"

Now why would he suspect me....just because I have some Indian blood in me doesn't mean I'm talking all about the home country all the time. Ha! I'd say that was profiling going on right here in my own home. Good thing he's my baby's daddy!

Gavin Tale Twister #41: Sammy NEVER has my back!

This evening Gavin and I sat sadly on my office couch and remembered our beloved dog Louie. After we ate Mac and Cheese, we felt better. Gavin asked in a sad voice "Mom, do you think Carson would accept a friend request from me?" Carson(12) is a family friend who hangs around Sammy (12) but by default has to spend time with Gavin as well. Gavin loves hanging out with the older boys but they don't really enjoy his 3rd grade humor.

"Well... I think Carson would and you know what?..." I said.

"What?" asked Gavin.

"When you guys get older like in college, you will find that you are going to be friends with a lot of the same people and it won't matter that you are 3 years younger. It only matters now because y'all are so young."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well when you were still in diapers Sammy and Carson were playing Tee-Ball but when y'all are all in college you will all be studying and going to the same pizza place for dinner, living together, talking about sports together and helping each other out in times of need."

Gavin rolled his eye into his head to search for relevant data from his big brain and spouted out "but when I am a freshman, Sammy will be a senior... that means he'll have my back for only 1 year." He stopped talking abruptly as his eyes rolled into his head for more relevant data and out came "oh yea Sammy NEVER has my back so it won't matter!!"

Gavin Tale Twister #40: That's For Bananas Mom!

Gavin (8) and I were sitting at the computer this morning entering data about Gavin so 10 years from now we can see how much he has grown. We got to the ENTER WEIGHT part and I asked Gavin if he remembered how much he weighed when he went to the doctor just a couple months ago. He said he couldn't remember! So I took a guess. "Maybe around 125 pounds Gavin?" Immediately Gavin's defenses went up. "MOM! I only weigh 90 or even maybe 70 pounds!" Does't that sound like an 8 year old's comment or what?

"Gavin! That is not true! Maybe it was like 105 or 108 something like that?"

"No way MOM!... Maybe it was 95!"

It was as if his weight was a negotiation. (So...Remember we had a fire 6 months ago and have no scale in the house so we can't just go into the bathroom and hop on the scale.)

"Alright Gavin maybe we need to go to the store and weigh ourselves on one of those scales so we can get an accurate number."

Gavin chuckles and walks away as he says "Ah Mom, your so silly! That's for bananas not people!"

He did not just say that!!!

Gavin Tale Twister #39: The Tooth Fairy and Dad

Tonight Gavin lost a tooth. At bed time... naturally... he was in our bed with his tooth in a zip lock snack bag. Canadian Man Bill was worried the Tooth Fairy wouldn't be able to find Gavin's zip lock (or maybe forget to stop by like has happened so many times before) so he said to Gavin:

"Gavin, why don't you give me your tooth and I will keep it safe under my pillow where we know the Fairy will be able to find it."

Gavin's immediate response "No way Dad! If the tooth is under your pillow. The Tooth Fairy will probably leave $20 bucks. Then you'll take the twenty and replace it with a five. I think I'll just keep the tooth safe and sound with me under my own pillow. Good Night Dad!"

That Tooth Fairy better not forget to stop by! Gulp!!!!

Gavin Tale Twister #38: Charlie Bit My Finger! THE SEQUEL

Most of you who surf the Internet have seen the You Tube sensation called "Charlie Bit My Finger". If you have not seen it, you should and you can by clicking here.

Hilarious! Isn't it? Well, my kids have seen that video about 100 times.

They love this video so much that they take turns playing Charlie while the other brother taunts his index finger close to Charlie's mouth. The laughter from the beginning to the end of each re-enactment, with a British accent of course, is something only the parents of two boys could really enjoy. Anyone with two boys knows that they usually only communicate by picking on one another and trying to beat each other up so anytime they are laughing together is a blessing. Since we live in the states but are of mixed heritage, our children have come to appreciate and imitate many of the various accents they have heard.

One night a couple weeks ago I had to go to the grocery store. I dread the grocery store especially with the kids but I had to go. We went in with a short list and got to the checkout line with twice as much stuff. I was so irritated by my children asking for stuff and sneaking all kinds of JUNK into the cart. It was so bad that I was pretty much was the parent with her back to her children trying to pretend they were not mine. They were so happy and excited to be at the store and I was absolutely miserable with them there! We made it to the register and still my back was to them. You know how if you just ignore a two year old's tantrum and walk away, the two year old will get up, stop the tantrum and run after you and then try to get your attention some other way. We must have done that a lot at age two because at age 8 and 12, both Gavin and Sam were right on my tail, almost inside my personal space and yes they were trying to get my attention the entire time. I couldn't move fast enough through that store.

I sighed and took a deep breath when the cashier finally said "Did you find everything you need?" It was as if I reached the finish line. I responded with a polite "Yes, Thank You!" All the personnel behind the counter then tried to acknowledge the boys. I just ignored all of them as if I were saying- what boys?

There was a cashier and a training cashier as well as the bag boy all watching what was going on behind my back. I stayed strong and did not turn to give them any attention. As my bill was racking up into the 40's, the conversation between the boys had turned into the "Charlie! You Bit My Finger!" re-enactment. I had heard it about a billion times so I again did not acknowledge the boys antics for attention. I heard every word but did not turn my head to look!

The conversation went something like this. Sammy (12) played the 15 month old baby Charlie and Gavin (8) played the 4 year old big brother.

Gavin said to Sammy (Charlie) as he sticks his index finger close to Charlie's mouth. (Say this with a British accent:) "Now, Chaaaleee your not going to bite my fin ga, arrrr uuuu?"

Sammy shakes his head from ear to ear and responds back "an-ahh " (that is baby talk for NO!) as he is giggling and lunges forward with his big wolf like teeth. Gavin quickly retracts his finger and then tries again saying:

"Bad Chaliee, Bad bad Chaliee!" Pause... Giggle. "Now Chaaliee, your not going to bite my fin ga, now arrrrr uuuu?"

Again Sammy says "an-ahh" and just when Gavin gets close enough with his finger, Sammy lunges forward to bite Gavin's finger. Gavin retracts the endangered finger once again and just in time.

This went on a couple of times and by now the cashiers and bag boy were fully engaged but only because the boys were having so much fun. I still did not look.

"Chaaaaaleee, you promised you wouldn't bite moi fin-ga."

Sammy smiled like a 2 year old with big bright eyes and bobbed his head up and down wanting to please his 4 year old big brother and willing to follow his every command.

" Chaaalee..... you promise? Right? " Sam sill bobbing his head up and down as if he were in agreement.

"OK Chaaalee, you promised!" Gavin raised his index finger closer , closer, closer and closer to Sammy's mouth. With Gavin's finger went his whole upper body as if this was to shield the finger in jeopardy.

The giggles had turned to uncontrollable laughter by now. Gavin and Sam's faces were red and sweating. It was as if there wasn't anyone else around. They were in their own little world. I maintained my iron clad stance facing the register and trying to pay as quickly as possible so we could make a quick escape without any more attention. The cashiers and bag boy were now all eyes and ears fixed on the skit going on behind me.

Right about this time Gavin was laughing so hard that his eyes were almost closed.

Sam with his cat like reflexes took advantage of his opportunity. He snatched Gavin's hand paralyzing him and went in for the kill. Crunch! Gavin squealed in pain. Yes, Chaalee bit his fin-ga! Gavin's face was red and his eyes were watery as he screamed out with pain but still in his perfect British accent (say this just how it is spelled- and loudly) "CHAAAALEEEEEE!!! YOUUUU LOIED!!!!!" YOUU LOIED CHAALEE!!!! (YOUU LOIED in a british accent is YOU LIED here in the states.)

Yes everyone was laughing including me but I still didn't look and as funny as that turned out I still don't want to ever take them to the grocery store again!

I caught a re-enactment of this at home and will post it here when I figure out how to do that.

Gavin Tale Twister #37: Check Your Pockets!

Gavin (8) does not have many friends come to the house. Not because he has no friends but because his lame Mom and Dad are too exhausted by the end of the week to make that happen for Gavin. Why you ask? Maybe because we have a 12 year old whom for 3 1/2 years before Gavin was born we spent too much time ooing, ahhing, taking pictures, and showing him the world. Now we spend every day driving that 12 year old to his activities. Gavin sits by just watching. Actually, Gavin was doomed before birth! When he came along we were pooped and just happy to sit and watch TV. As you have more kids, you have less time and everything you want to do for yourself gets put on the back burner. You want to nap every day and the kids want to play with other kids. I'm tired just thinking about it.

Being the second child, life is supposed to be different isn't it? Few baby pictures, no play group or baby music classes to enrich his minds, no shopping sprees for brand new cute smocked jumpers, lots of hand-me- downs and he'll learn what he learns when ever he learns it. We are not spoon feeding everything to Gavin like we did Sam.... we don't have that kind of time unless we ditch the silver baby spoon and switch to something more efficient like a funnel. Poor Gavin ....I can barely remember what he looked like as a baby. Bad Mommy!

So last month, I made a promise to Gavin that we were going to build up his network of friends just like we did with Sammy. I think we have done pretty good so far. In the last week, I have gone out of my way to invite one of his class mates over to hang out after school and the other night we had a child from the neighborhood come play.

On that particular night, My Canadian Man Bill and I smiled as Gavin ran around trying to be a good host. He fed his friend junk food and drinks, asked his friend what he wanted to do while he was over, and was attentive to his friend's need. I think Gavin even tried to pay his friend $3 to play something Gavin really wanted to play.

The two of them were up in Gavin's bedroom playing and Gavin ran down to get more drinks. Mind you, you can hear every word said in Gavin's room because his bedroom is just next to the top of the stairs and we were sitting in the living room just next to the bottom of the stairs. Upon Gavin's return to his bedroom, Gavin realized that he could not find his $20 bill that he supposedly placed in a safe spot somewhere in his room. This is the only money Gavin has to his name and I have no idea where he got it from other than earlier I overheard Sam saying something about his $20 missing from his pocket. I can only guess what happened there. Anyway, I could sense that Gavin was in a panic because I could hear a lot of rustling around up there. After about 10 seconds of looking, Gavin says to his friend "HEY! I CAN'T FIND MY TWENTY DOLLAR BILL. CHECK YOUR POCKETS!"

Bill and I busted out laughing. Gavin might just be minus one friend in his ohhhh soooo empty friend bank.

I should probably talk to Gavin about needing making deposits with his friends so when he accidentally overdraws , it's not such a big deal. In other words stay on the plus side by treating your friends nicely so when you botch something up, they are more likely to forgive you. If you take take, take and never give, you will end up very lonely!

I just read this post to Sammy. Oops he just realized that his $20 is not where he put it......in that wide open not so secret hiding place behind the TV! Ha!

Gavin's Tail Twister #36: I'm Not Copying You!

Over the Christmas holiday, we went on a little vacation. We happened to take one of Sammy's friends with us. While in the hotel room during the very little down time we had, all of the boys (Sammy 12, Gavin 8, and Kevin who was also 12) made spinner! What is a spinner you ask? It is a piece of paper that is folded origami style to form a small 2 inch square that when you flick opposite corners, it spins. If you color the top with bright colors, it really looks cool.

The boys must have made about 15 each and occasionally would ask for us to pick which one was the best. So there was a who made the coolest looking spinner competition going on daily. Gavin did not win the first competition and was not happy. I secretly tried to find out which ones were Gavin's so I could pick his to win but he wanted to win fairly.

On this particular day after coming in from the pools and water slides, both Kevin and Gavin set out to make spinners. They sat across from each other folding spinners and then trying to color them the best they could so they could win the next "coolest spinner contest". I was putting stuff away and noticed Gavin frequently glancing over toward Kevin as he worked diligently to color his spinner. Gavin would glance over to look at Kevin's spinner and then look down to his own spinner ... glance over, look down to his own...glance over, look down to his own spinner. It was almost as if he were comparing or maybe even copying Kevin.

At that very moment Gavin spoke up and said..."Kevin I know it looks like I am copying you but I'm really not....your probably see me keep looking over and are wondering why I'm looking at your spinner."

No answer from Kevin. He was too busy to care about what Gav was saying.

Gavin continued explaining..."Really! I'M NOT COPYING YOU. I, I, I'M JUST INSPIRED BY YOUR WORK!"

Ha Ha Ha! I hope he never uses that line in school!!

Gavin's Tail Twister #35: Waking Gavin!

One night I was laying with Gavin and having some pillow talk with him. He asked that I wake him at 5AM.

" Oh and Mom when you wake me, do it like this." He rocked me gently and said in a sweet tiny voice "Gaaavin, Gaaaaavin, it's tiiimme to get uuuupppp." "Don't wake me like Sam does."

"And just how does Sam wake you?" I asked.

"Well!" "Well Sam usually says in a yelling voice 'GAVIN!!!! GET AUH-UUP!' in mid air, right before he body slams me."

"No he does not!"

"Yes he does Mom and when he lands on me, his butt is positioned perfectly by my face and he lets out a big fart while his whole body weight keeps me paralyzed so I have to smell the whole fart!"

I laughed and laughed at the thought. The things kids will make up.

The following morning I woke up early and gently tried to wake Gavin to no avail. I came down stairs to find Sammy awake and told him the story Gavin told me about Sam's method of waking Gavin in the morning . Sam just laughed and laughed but never denied it.

At about 6:30 AM Gavin comes barreling down the stairs just a fussin' at me. He wanted to know why I did not wake him at 5. I explained that I tried unsuccessfully. His only response was "Why didn't you just body slam me?"

Between he and Sammy, I can't tell whose telling the truth! Hee Hee! It does conjure up a pretty funny picture in my head though.

Gavin Tail Twister #34: Don't Eat The Cranberry Sauce!

This Thanksgiving, we celebrated as usual with my entire family. Dad, 4 of the 5 siblings and even my Step Mom. In addition, this year one of my sisters boyfriends entire family joined us. They had sold their home and were in a temporary apartment so we asked them to join us and they did. There were tree ladies in the family... the mom and the two sisters each of whom made a dish... twice baked potatoes, fresh green bean walnut salad and cranberry sauce. All of these dishes were ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC! And I'm not just saying that. The food was awesome!

We set up two long tables with a round in between. The round table is where Sam and Gavin both sat smack in the middle of everyone . No problem there until Gavin goes for seconds and comes back with turkey and cranberry sauce. Before he sits down he with his loud voice commands every one's attentions to deliver important information.

"Everyone, everyone! I have to warn you if you go get seconds DON'T! I SAID DON'T EAT THE CRANBERRY SAUCE. I TASTED IT AND IT IS ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE!!!!"

My eyes were wide open in disbelief. I couldn't believe that Gavin had just insulted one of our guests. I looked at the sister that had made the cranberry dish who by the way was sitting smack next to me and said "I am sooo so sorry!" She busted out laughing and was very gracious about the delivery of Gavin's news. The majority of the evening was spent talking about food in general and how delicious the cranberry really was. She wasn't buying it though.

My brother called several days later to tell me how awesome Thanksgiving Day was and how awesome all the food was and he said and I quote "especially the cranberry sauce" but he really meant it!

Gavin's Tail Twister #33: I'M IN A CRISIS!!!

Early Christmas Shopping ? Yep! Today Canadian Man and I got up early to go to an arcade auction. You read correctly...an arcade auction where they auction gaming machines and pool tables. We were going early Christmas shopping so we took our kids over to the neighbors to play for a couple of hours. On the very short drive to their house one street over, I turn to Gavin only to see his hair sticking up like a turkey's hind feathers.

Three blocks away from the neighbors: "Gavin, I told you to comb your hair."

Gavin's mouth immediately dropped open and his hand rose up to the exact point of the spike. It wasn't a little turkey-like it was so long and spiky that one could almost mistake Gavin for a Cha cha cha chia Pet. It reminded me of the that time Sammy (big brother) put peanut butter in Gavin's hand and then tickled his ear so peanut butter would be all over Gavin's head and hair when he awoke. When Gavin got up the next morning, there was nothing laying that hair down except a full head scrubbing.

"OH MY GOD mom why didn't you tell me to comb my hair earlier." Gavin was pushing his hair down really hard.

Two blocks away: "I did tell you three times. Here put this on." I handed him chap stick for his lips because his lip edges were red from being out in the wind the day prior.

Gavin ignored my request. His eyes were furrowed and he was in distress. He even started to get panicky and resorted to licking his palms and trying to paste the spikes over to one side.

One block away: "Here Gavin put this on " I repeated.

Half block away: Now even more panicky and pushing down harder on the hair. "Mom, I'm can't do anything you say. Can't you see, I'M IN A CRISIS!!!"

Rolling up the driveway: Teee Heeee! "Gavin no big, when you go inside, just go to the bathroom and put some water on your hair and then comb it with your fingers just like you do every morning at home."

Putting it in park: "I can't!"

Parked: "You can!"

Doors opening: I can see Gavin nervously fidgeting before getting out of the car. His eyes are searching his brain for a solution to his problem which may result in potential heckling and embarrassment if he has to enter someone else's home with that head.

My final glance: Gavin exits the car quickly and pulls the back of his jacket over his head so no one could see his hair as if he were trying not to get wet in a thunderstorm. As he darted into the house to head to the sink, I thought to myself ... I wonder if Gavin would have cared about his hair so much if one of the kids he was visiting wasn't a GIRL... quick thinking Gavin...she would have teased you more than her brother and yours too. That probably was a crisis in his little mind. So cute!!!

Gavin's Tail Twister #33: Your Fat!

It was the day before Halloween and I had not made any attempt to participate in any Fall Festivities. No pumpkin, no cob webs, no spiders, no candied apples... oh and no candy. I thought to myself...Maybe this is the year I should just skip Halloween. I wonder what the kids will think if I do that. Will that scar them for life, label me bad mommy for life or maybe they won't even notice. It was Sunday afternoon and tomorrow was Halloween. I had about 6 hours before bed time to figure it all out. Sammy (11) at his age is ok with most everything as long as he gets to get together with his friends to roam the neighborhood on Halloween night. Gavin on the other hand is all about "CELEBRATING LIFE!"

Gavin and I were in the car about to head home when Gavin finally said with an accusing bad mommy tone "MOAMMM! Tomorrow is Halloween and we have not carved a pumpkin yet and we have no candy! We gotta go to the store NOW!" I could see him in my rear view mirror as he cut his eyes over my way with what looked like a child's disgust. His brow was furrowed and his jaw was clinched. I'm not scared of a little 8 year old so I attempted again. "It is so late and our pumpkin would only be out only one day. Maybe we could do a couple of pumpkins next year."

"NO! responded Gavin. (Loudly I might add!) We have to carve a pumpkin and put out decorations today so we can be ready for all the festivities tomorrow." He was not going to buy into my trick. I guess we are not skipping this holiday. I am pretty sure there would be some mental long term scarring for Gavin.

So....I turned the car around and headed to Kroger only to find zero...yep zero pumpkins available for purchase not even the plug in kind. I drove on to Fresh Market... same story. I knew my only real option was to go to the dreaded pumpkin patch where the trunk or treat was taking place at that exact moment. There was going to be no parking and there would be tons of people everywhere. I was worried Gavin would be sucked up in the excitement of trunk or treat with the big jumpy activities and want to side track. We got there and I tried to get out of getting the pumpkin one more time. No chance! Gavin was so focused on the patch and getting that pumpkin that he was trying to keep me on his mission and told me "Do not to even think about going over to the church for other activities Mom". "Well OK then" I replied. We got in and out under $12 and in 30 minutes. We ended up with one carving pumpkin and 2 small cute pumpkins to draw faces on. We got home and Gavin went to immediate carving mode, drawing all over the pumpkin face and then shedding tears over his crooked mouth. Gavin even got the drawing on his small pumpkin done.

Sammy comes in the door and Gavin immediately picks up the two small pumpkins saying in a very calm soft tone with no inflection on any work "here Sam draw a face on your pumpkin...hurry up we don't have time to talk about it...tomorrow is Halloween." Sam immediately was looking around questioning for what we brought back for him "Why did I get this one, what are my choices." Sam said dismissing Gavin's urgency. Gavin replies "we have one big one to carve, a tiny little one for me and this bigger on for you. Oh... and yours is bigger (pause) .... 'cause (pause) ... well 'cause you're fat! The insults never stop between brothers and I love it because it makes for some pretty good blog topics.