Gavin's Tale Twister #53: CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS WITH CHEESE MELTING POWERS

So...Gavin and I were driving down the road on the way to soccer practice when Gavin says
" Mom,  if you could be any super hero with any super power, which one would you be?"
I just wanted to drive in peace and enjoy silence so I was irritated by the question.  I glanced over with the like really look on my face. Gavin's response ... "hurry Mom you only have 3 seconds 3..2..1..come on Mom 3..2..1."  Seeing that Gavin was really into this so called game, I obliged and with enthusiasm said "uh, uh  OK, uh, I'd be Super Ant with super strength!"
Gavin's eyes shifted my way and his head followed with this response " Really Mom! You know there is already Ant Man with super strength powers!"
"OK Gavin! Smarty pants! Your turn and you've got 3  seconds... 3,2,1...1,2,3 come on Gavin give me a good one too."
"First of all your not counting correctly and let's see, I would be Captain Underpants with cheese melting strength."
Now my eyes shift over to Gavin and my head follows.
"Really Gavin! What the heck is cheese melting strength?"
Now this is a true 12 year old explanation!
Gavin looked at me like duh and pointed to the road in front of us and said "slice of American cheese on the road!" He put his second and third finger of both hands on the temples of his head, squeezed his eyes together concentrating on the so called cheese on the road while he grunts and said "Bam!" He has one arm outstretched like he just performed a magic trick and says "Instant road hazard!!"
This followed with a bobble head nodding motion like yea I aced that question!  I know I only have a little time left before Gavin grows out of his childhood. His world is so great!!

Gavin TaleTwister # 52 : I WISH I COULD UN-SEE THAT!!!

So Gavin is at age 10 at a very sensitive age where he is starting to care what others think.  He feels criticized even if there is no criticism. We were at Papa's house and several times in the past, Gavin has hung on me while he moaned of boardem .  Finally one day Papa said to Gavin joking of course "Gavin leave my daughter alone!  You are bugging her and bugging her!"
Well gavin did not take this too lightly. That was 6 months ago.

So now every time we visit Papa,  Gavin tried to keep to him self as much as possible an even kept his lips sealed... Imagine that folks! Yep ....Gavin with nothing to say!! Doent happen often except now when we go to my dad's house.  As soon as we get there he is ready to leave, dying of boredom but still quite.
On this particular day, I had a rash on my leg that was starting to get infected.  I was mortified and did not show anyone but was thinking I needed a doctors advice. I am in the right place with dad being a retired physician.  Reluctant to ask my dad in fear of some holistic remedy he might propose, I sit quietly.  I show the spot to, my sister who is also a physician and instead of giving me medical advice she piped up and said "Dad loook at Usha's leg".
He did and immediately said with order in his tone. ... Usha you have an infection starting...Go sit in the HYPERTHERMIC DEAD SEA SALT outside and I promise you, it will get better.
I did and it absolutely did get better! I am now a believer in the mineral powers of the dead sea! Back to the story... Gavin patiently waited on the couch reading and playing games on his iPad.  Papa was sitting in the Dead Sea hot tub as well in his underwear!!! Yes I said in his underwear!  Papa stands up and is wiping the sweat off his face while his whitey tighty under wear is soaking wet and drooping down to his knees.  He wraps a towel around himself and drops his under whiteys off like a magic trick and slips on just his shorts (no back up underwear in site) .  He hobbles in with his widened gait and bowed legs, bear chest and  body still alittle wet quite redened from the heat of the tub water and his shorts now drooping from his body sweat and yes still with no underwear. His sweat, bear cheast and larger belly made it difficult to hold up his shorts so they hung a littl low.  OK so low that the top of his butt crack was showing.  I catch Gavin's eyes cut up to catch a glimpse at Papa.  He diid not want to get caught looking infear of being criticized but cant help but flatten his lips  like a duck, make his nose small and squint his eyes as if he smelled something bad.  He leans over to my sister who is sitting by Gavin and whispers to her "I wish I could un-see that!!"
  Gavin said just what everyone was thinking!

Gavin Tale Twister #51: WHY DON'T I JUST SKIP SCHOOL!

This morning, only the 4th full day of school, I overslept!!! I worked until 4AM and jumped in bed to grab a couple hours before having to do the morning school duties with the kids. Bill left for work at 6:00 AM and I am in lullaby land.
At 7:50 Sam runs into my room and screams "MOM WE'RE LATE!" I jump up  in a drunken sleep and yell up the stairs for Gavin to get up..."WE'RE LATE!"
Gavin pops out of his room "NO WE'RE NOT!"
"YES GAVIN WE ARE! HURRY UP WE'VE GOTTA LEAVE IN 10 MINUTES!"
In as very small voice "ok, I have to shower" like he was going to lolly gag through his morning rituals.
"GAVIN NO TIME FOR A SHOWER JUST PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH, LET'S GO!"
Gavin looks down from upstairs knowing that he is going to say those dreaded words that have haunted Gavin since his early years when he had the D4 (See Tale Twister #3). Again in a small voice "but I have to poo!'
Sammy says "MOM WE'VE GOTTA GO RIGHT NOW !"
Feeling guilty about not getting the kids up on time and seeing the look on Gavin's face some how led  me to say "GAVIN, YOU WANT ME TO RUN SAM TO SCHOOL AND SWING BACK TO GET YOU?"
"yes please" Gavin says.
I return to find Gavin still on the pot. "GAVIN LET'S GO!"
A small voice replies "I'm pooping!"
I sigh and want to fuss at him for not being ready but the lingering guilt takes over and I say " I am going to take Maggie dog for her walk and when I get back, be ready!"
Small voice say "okaaa" fading at the end.
I know what that means... Gavin does not really want to be done pooping nor does he want to go to school.
After last year final report card came sighting Gavin's 46 tardies and 55 missed school days, Bill and I resolved that Gavin could not be tardy ever again.... until he is, like today! Of course that report card was a mistake obviously.  He was tardy a lot and just never went to the office to let them know he made it to school and of course they counted him absent. And Gavin had a few sick days too! It all adds up!
So back to today, I get back from the walk. I come inside and Gavin says take my temperature Mom. Well his head did feel warm so I did  and the thermometer read 98.8.  Gavin says I have a sore throat. Can I just stay at home.  I laughed "NO, GET IN THE CAR! LET'S GO!"
Small voice "ok".
On the way to school I ask "Did you eat a bowl of cereal?"
Small voice "no".
Guilty mom "you want me to drive through the Chick-a-fila drive through and get you something?"
Gavin replies "No we are going to be even later! Searching in his head for his schedule that day, his eyes suddenly light up as he says, "WE HAVE TO HURRY,  I CAN'T BE LATE FOR 2ND PERIOD!  I' ll just skip breakfast."
"What is 2nd period?"
"PE"
I laughed and said "Gavin your so funny! You could care less about first period Social Studies but now can't miss PE."
" No mom, not because I wanna go to PE, I just don't want to have to run if I am late!
"Gavin, 2nd period begins in like 3 minutes and we're still 10 minutes from school.  Your are going to be late to 2nd period PE no matter what.
Guilty mom "You want me to take you to Waffle House instead for breakfast and then drop you  off."
Long pause... "Well if am going to miss 2 classes, WHY DON'T I JUST SKIP SCHOOL?"
I am cracking up..."Funny Gavin!"  Of course my response is a lingering "Noooo! Chick-a-fila and then school."

Gavin Tale Twister #50: A Squirrel In The Road

This years summer vacation was to visit to see Bill's mom, Nana, in the nursing home in Halifax and then on see some baseball in Boston. It was our last day in Boston and we had tickets to see the Red Sox play against the Detroit Tigers.  We were staying just around the corner from the famous Fenway Park Stadium. It was a breezy 65 degrees on Saturday July 25th, 2015. Yes I said 65 degrees ....and breezy!! Sam and his dad went ahead to catch some of the batting practice and Gavin and I followed behind. As we weaved our way throughout the traffic of people, cars, and vendors, Gavin took my hand as to not get lost. I yanked him this way, pulled him that way, abruptly stopped to avoid a car trying to get through the sea of people, then quickly ran across the cross walk to avoid any potential hazards. We zig-zagged around cars and people for 3 blocks and I could see a little sweat on the side of Gavin's head. "We are almost there" I said to Gavin.
I was  a little out of breath and  with a sigh of relief, I hopped up on the curb next to our entrance  into Fenway.  As we stopped and took a breath, Gavin said "Wheew! You know mom? Now I know just how a squirrel in the road feels! I have to agree!

Gavin Tale Twister #49: Downward Dog

When just Gavin and I go to my mom's house to visit, we usually sleepJ in her great big king size bed.  On this particular night right before we hopped in bed I said to Gavin..."Gavin, we are getting in bed, going right to sleep and not awaking to any alarm.  We will sleep til we awake what ever time that may be. As per every other visit to moms, we jumped in bed and smothered our bodies into the luxurious mattress. This mattress has a familiar feel and each and every time we sleep on it, it feel so homey.

I was on my side and Gavin on his side. We were both so very happy... until early in the morning!!!! Gavin's legs crept over to my side and slid under me to keep himself warm. Of course that woke me up and irritated me. I kept scooting him over and he kept swiping his feet  first against and then under me. 

Finally, after about the 5th time, I swiped his legs out from under me, grabbed hold of my pillow, face down I quickly bore my body hard into the mattress to prevent Gavin's legs from being able to slip under.  Ah ha I thought I hope this works... and IT DID! Gavin swept his feet across my torso several times trying to find an in under me. NOT happening! As much work as it took for me to keep my entire body plastered to the mattress, I did it and  it was worth it. I won! Gavin gave up and retreated but now I was awake and so was Gavin. My eyes were closed hoping to get back to sleep and Gavin  was contemplating his next move. Enough time went by without a single swipe, I though I was home free!
Then Gavin said "Mom?"
I did not respond! I had my eyes closed and was just trying to sleep.
"Mom?"
No response
"Mom?"
Finally I said "Yes Gavin!"
"Mom I think we should do some exercises."
"I don't want to do exercises I am trying to sleep. "
"Mom, come on... we need to do some exercise. We can even do them while we lay here."
No response.
"Mom... this is important.  You are always saying we should exercise. Come on just one stretching exercise... you don't even have to get out of bed and you can keep your eyes closed too. I will talk you through it."
Exasperated and wanting Gavin to just be quiet, I said "Fine Gavin, you go a head."
"No Mom we have to do them together. "
"Fine!"
"Mom ...I'm in downward dog so do downward dog!"
"I am not doing downward dog."My eyes were still closed.
"Mooomm! Come on we are exercising. Do downward dog!"
I exhaled really loud and said "Fine!!!" I got in downward dog all the while trying to keep my mind in sleep mode and my eyes closed hoping to go right back to sleep.For those of you who do not know, downward dog is a yoga stretching pose where you get into a plank on your hands and toes and then raise your but in the air to get a full body stretch. I was now in downward dog.
"Good job Mom....we are done!
Still irritated I thought great! In my mind I thought that was too easy but who cares we are done. I plopped back down on to the bed only to find two legs deeply berried underneath me. Gavin wins!

Gavin Tale Twister #45: He Touched My Feelings!

Getting in the car after piano lessons my boys started fighting About who was going to get to ride shotgun. This initial fight ended up in a "Gavin win". Gavin got to sit in the front seat but only after being pushed around a little by his brother . Then in the car ,what started out as a little nit picking here and there turned into a bunch of name-calling and ended up in an all out punch by Gavin.  I was watching both boys out of the corner of my eye so I know Gavin threw the first and only punch. NOw getting him to admit that he did it was going to be difficult.  Gavin was sitting in the front seat so I don't know how he got his arm all the way back there to Sammy.  It was quite impressive like in Iron Man when Obadia was about to kill Pepper (Tony Stark alias Iron Man's love interest) and out of no where Iron Man appeared of course leading with an all out punch... yea just like that Gavin threw a punch that he meant to hurt.

I have a house rule that goes something like this "sticks and stones break your bones but names will never hurt you".... sound familiar?  I encourage the boys to try and discuss problems instead of resorting to name calling or physical contact so I was very irritated by now so I screamed "You boys are driving me crazy!  I cannot drive with you two fighting like this!  I told you a million times not to touch one another!  Both of you are on restriction Friday from XBox!"

Sammy immediately wants to know why he's on restriction when he's the one that got punched. My response..."Because you're the older brother and in my opinion from the very beginning when your brother wanted to sit in the front seat, you should have just said OK!    Instead,  you pushed him into the mirror first and then said it's fine you sit in front.  You probably said that because you felt bad that you pushed him.

"Yeah mom but once we got in the car, I didn't touch him You're always telling us not to touch each other. I didn't touch him, I was just calling him names. Then he got mad and he punched me.  Now I'm the one getting punished because of his bad behavior.   I should not be punished.  I let him sit in the front...he punches me and I am on restriction."

I look over at Gavin who had the 'I have been pushed to my limits' look on his face.  "Well Gavin what do you have to say for yourself?  "Mom, Sammy started the whole thing initially not letting me sit in the front seat and then he pushed me."
Yes, now you got what you wanted. Why are you touching your brother when you know you guys should not touch each other.
But I didn't touch him first he touched me ...remember. Gavin I am pretty sure sure you touched him first in the car. I saw you punch him from the front seat all the way back to his stomach.
"Gavin, did he really touch you first?"
"Yes!" Gavin vehemently responds.
"No I did not" defends Sammy.
"He did mom!" says Gavin.

Sammy yelling now at Gavin... "How can you say that Gavin. I did not touch you and you punched me and now I am going to be punished because of it!"

I cut in "Gavin(long pause) tell the truth!  Did he or did he not touch you first in the car?"
Gavin's eyes shifted from side to side.  His bottom lip and chin quivered...after a short pause Gavin's  arms now folded with tears running down his face, he responds...
"Well ...well... well....HE HE HE TOUCHED MY FEELINGS !"
My irritated face suddenly softened as I realized that this fight between brothers will always be something I remember...I started to giggle.  I stopped fussing and said....
"That is pretty clever Gavin...Good enough! You're both OFF restriction!"

Gavin Tale Twister # 44: What About Filipe the Flower!

Felipe The Flower

This last weekend, we squeezed the dreaded piano lesson in.  We usually have it mid week but missed for some reason or another so had to make up on the weekend. While at the lesson, Gavin and I sat in the garden room while Sam took his 30 minute turn.  On the brick wall behind where Gavin and I sat hung a very large portrait of Edward Eikner, our wonderful piano instructor. It was a painting done by a well known artist inGA named PENLEY whose style is strong brush strokes with bold colors  that exhibits vivid imagery.  It was such a large canvas that up close,  all you could see would be large strokes of paint resembling what looked like someone was trying to ice a cake on canvas.  From afar though, the full image of Edwards head was a truly a piece of art.
We sat in a small wicker love seat barely enough space for the two us.  We faced toward each other so we could talk without disturbing the ongoing lesson in the other room.   I brought out the Boy Scout Handbook because I thought today Gavin and I could sit and cover some of his Scouting home work so we would not have to do it at home.  This is part of trying to be the "Efficient Mom".  We started in the book and as 5 minutes passed Gavin started to fidget.  His hands were on the table touching everything, touching the large red glass diamond that is supposed to be more like a paper weight, touching the flowering cactus because "it did not look real said Gavin", even touching me...I finally stopped suddenly and said abruptly "stop touching everything and lets read this Boy Scout stuff together".
Up until now Gavin was yawning.  His eyes widened and his hands quickly retracted to his chest like a robot receiving his command and obeying his master.  I continued to read aloud. Gavin's arms slowly reached up in the air trying not to reach to the table of stuff in front of him. Gavin's eyes slowly wandered up above his head and over to his right, over to the brick wall where the oil portrait lived.  Interrupting me Gavin asked as he pointed to the PENLEY signature "What does that say?"
I sighed and responded "It says Penley."
"What does that mean?"
Haaaaaaaa! I sighed again. Not wanting to be the mom that fusses 24/7, I answered. "It is the artist signature. That is the person who did the art work."
I went on to  explain Penley's local roots and style of painting to Gavin when he reached up and put his hand on a clump of dried paint as if he were going to pick it off like a scab!   I WAS MORTIFIED!!!!!!
We were being quiet up until now when I wanted to yell but I didn't.  I raised my hand which in the book of mommy sign language delivers, quite effectively I might add, the you will get a spanking if you continue message with out saying a single word.  My brows were furrowed, my lips flattened but pursed and my nose was squinched up so tight that one might think I resembled the Grinch when he is disgusted by Christmas.
Gavin even more quickly this time retracted his hand and held both fists close to his chest.  He knew by my mommy sign that he was doing something very very bad!
"What? What?" he asked.
"Gavin, I NEVER EVER want to see your hands on any art work ever again, especially a painting!"  "But Why Mommy?"
 Because it is art!  The oils on your fingers will transfer to the painting and ruin it over time and how am I to explain the clump of paint missing from the portrait if you had picked it off!  Do you know how expensive art is!  It is something people cherish in their homes and they don't want their art damaged by other people!"
I changed my tone and continued "Please don't do that again!"
I could see Gavin's face turning from being scared he was doing something wrong to being mad about something else.  His arms went from up at his chest to folded across his body. His posture went form straight upright to leaning back like he had this one all wrapped up. His head  was now tilted back and cocked to the side.  Now his lips pursed and his head nodded in disgusted at me!
Gavin's response was classic Gavin!
"Really Mom!... Well what about Felipe the Flower?"
There was a long pause waiting for my response.
Gavin then continued:  "What about Poopy the Platypus?  Huh? Auhhh! What about Zingof, Fogniz and The Kevin?"
I looked at him confused "What?"
"You know MOM!!!  Felipe?....Oh and then there is Gogizeenie, Gagazieenie and Googizeer too Mom!" All this was said with an accusatory tone.   Like I am guilty of something.  Like I have a double standard. Gavin can't do it but Mommy can  kind  of thing.
My eyes shifted back and fourth trying to think of a response that would defend  my actions.  "I am not sure I know what you are talking about Gavin!"
Again in accusing tone.. ."Mom ...my art work?... at home Mom?
I paused trying to recollect the memory of his artwork.
"The ones I wanted to make 100 copies of for people to buy and you wouldn't let me."
Now it was all coming back. I began to smile and giggle. That would be the I am caught guilty giggle.

Poopy The Platypus

Gogizeenie, Gagizeenie, & Googizeer

The Kevin, Zingof & Fogniz

Gavin continued to scold me... "Every time I show them to you, your hands are all over them and then you just stack 'em up and (slight pause) .....sometimes I find some of my art in the trash."  "MOM??!!!"

My eyes shifted side to side.  I am guilty! He is right! I do do that!
"Gavin" I said, "I am so sorry! I did not realize how important those pieces of art were to you!"  Of course I am giggling the hole time. "I will cherish your art and be more respectful to your stuff and I am sorry!"
In his very sweet 9 year old voice Gavin replies "It's OK Mommy!"
I laughed about what just happened. Sammy is now finished with his lesson and it is Gavin's turn. Off he skips with the "I won smile" on his face.
Hey!!! How did he just turn that whole thing around on me!

Gavin's Tale Twister #42: Be The Bigger Man Gavin!

Big brother Sam is twelve. That is three and a half years older than sweet baby Gavin. Since the day Gavin was born, Sam has been constantly picking on his little brother. It all started with an innocent "let me toss my big metal Tonka Truck into Gavin's crib(when he is 3 months old) for him to play with" and "oops it bonked him on the head and made him cry. Hey let me see what else I can do to him." This one act led into many incidences over the last eight years.

In Gavin's defense, the poor child has had to build up a repertoire of insults for Sam to combat his constant heckling. Finally, after eight years of abuse, Gavin has taken about all he could handle. Gavin has finally got enough size on him to compete physically. Now Gavin has great GROSS MOTOR SKILL but no fine. You can only imagine what that must look like.

What does a parent do with brothers that wake up in the morning and start their day insulting each other which ultimately winds up with shoving, yelling, crying and tattling. We have tried putting them in their room, taking away their computer, talking to them and then now we are yelling at them. By the way that does nothing but contribute to the violence and make everything louder.

Finally one day Canadian Man Bill said to Gavin "Just say Thank You Sam, May I have Another?".

"I tried but that doesn't work. Sammy keeps saying stuff like your face is so ugly, it's scaring all the little kids."

"Just take the high road Gavin. Be the bigger man!"

What does that mean Gavin asked. Bill immediately hollered "Uuuusshhh! How what does be the bigger man mean?"

As I was pondering the answer saying "well....."

Gavin blurts out " you mean like Ghandi dad?"

Bill looks to Gavin and says "that is exactly what I mean!!!"

Later Bill says to me in a somewhat accusatory tone " Who told Gavin about Ghandi and how would he know what kind of person Ghandi was?"

Now why would he suspect me....just because I have some Indian blood in me doesn't mean I'm talking all about the home country all the time. Ha! I'd say that was profiling going on right here in my own home. Good thing he's my baby's daddy!